The Job Search: Look Out for Snoopy McSnoopypants

Many years ago, I maintained a blog that tracked all of my observations that related to my job search. I was unemployed for many years and like many, I became increasingly frustrated with all the bullshit that came with it. I decided to take my frustrations out in the form of prose, so that I can create some sort of dialogue. I was eager for some constructive feedback, whether I was being “silly” or invite a reader provide some proof that I was spot on wrong. The most feedback I ever got was the notion that I seemed “angry” at the job market, picked out bits and pieces of my blog, and concluded that I was just another job seeker pointing fingers at everyone but me. Yet, they never provided any counterarguments. Since then, that same blog that poked fun at mine has been revamped and now sell online courses. What’s worse, they are spewing the same bullshit advice that has been out there since I started my blog in 2009.

Exactly how many times are jobseekers expected to see the same, drone advice before they even get the illusion of getting the job? It’s the same robotic bullshit going on for years. To reiterate, I started my job search blog in 2009. We are currently in the year 2017. If recruiters and job coaches are still prattling the same crap for eight years……what does that tell you?

I came across an article the other day that was written from someone at the Job Network. The headline was “Five Ways To Stand Out in the Job Market.”

1. “Make your purpose clear and direct..”

“Recruiters find it very easy to match these candidates these candidates into their companies, because it’s clear if they’ll be a fit.”

Seems like it’s sound advice. Unfortunately, many recruiters have a hard time knowing anything about the job they’re trying to fill. If they know nothing about the job itself, then matching candidates will be increasingly difficult. Plus, let’s not shit around, your “purpose” is to get a job so you can pay your rent, period. This advice suggests coming up with a sugary, extravagant goal filled with corporate jargon……and hope for the best. In the end, you’ll be judged by someone who knows nothing about the job, but has a fantastic sense of character and whether you’re cool enough to hang out with the crew for drinks at the end of the day.

2. “Don’t hold back. Sell yourself”

Yes, make the recruiter’s job easier and less tedious. Let them know up front whether you are right for the job. They can judge quicker if only you just lay out your bullshit up front.

3. “Sanitize your social media.”

This is huge, as I’ve written a blog post on this very topic. To summarize, it is no one’s business what you do after hours. There are loads of people that are smart enough to separate the two entities, and are quite adept at performing their tasks expeditiously. So what if someone had a wild night at the disco, they were still able to make it to work on time to finish that report.

One day, Mr. Snoopy McSnoopypants was bored. He has no life so he decided to examine your Facebook page. All of a sudden he comes across a photo of you and scantily clad women. Yet, your previous job performance evaluations exceeds expectations. Mr. McSnoopypants has deemed you Spawn of Satan. Not fair, Mr. McSnoopypants. Go get laid.

The moral of the story: it’s best to adopt a pseudonym. When asked about your social media, mention that you don’t participate. There are plenty of people who respect whatever little privacy they have left. If the recruiter displays even a hint of disapproval, then that’s not the company you want to work for.

4. “Make your professional info a click away.”

No. Here’s my résumé. (Make sure the recruiter is fully aware of the proper spelling of “résumé”). That’s all you need, nosey. Now hire me or don’t, McSnoopypants.

5. “Network to build a group of reliable referrals.”

If you’re looking for the golden ticket, this is it. The only thing on this list somewhat credible. Networking is the only constant that will get you the job. Not cover letters (or lack thereof). Not “thank you” notes. Not key words. It’s networking. The trick with networking is that it has to be the right person, and you’re not going to find them through Linkedin or networking events. Your reliable referrals are your friends and family. Someone you just met are not going to go out of their way to give you a mention, unless, of course, there are “special” favors involved. If you’re not willing to have your cooch go above and beyond, best to stick with your friends and family. They know you best, and want nothing more than to see you relish in happiness. That is, after all, how I got my last job…..through a close, personal, and dear friend.

To those still on the job search, I bid you much success. Now go annoy your friends and family. 🙂